Listing

I didn't accomplish the five things I put on my weekend to-do list, though I graded some of the papers I had hoped to finish. I find myself low on energy, especially on the weekends and evenings--time I used to use for marking student writing and working on my research. This might be due to the administrative work, which I think is taking more out of me than my previous day-to-day work life. Maybe it's partly age. I suspect depression, which I've been struggling with even more than usual lately, plays the biggest role of all.

On the bright side, I've been exercising most every day. In theory, exercise is supposed to increase one's energy and mood, but I've never understood the whole "don't you feel great?" cliche surrounding exercise and eating "right." Truth be told, I feel energized by eating to excess. But I like the idea of taking one problem at a time and committing to working toward something better. For me, that thing is exercise. I'm going to keep doing it virtually each day and let that be one thing I'm doing well. Blogging, which also gives me a sense of accomplishment (hey, I'm writing some words, good!), has felt solid as well.

The next steps are going to be eating less food consistently, spending more time on my research and writing, saying "no" once in a while, caring less about things I can't control, and finding that illusive sense of balance. I hate to put these things in list form, because that strategy went pretty much to shit over the weekend. One of my favorite teachers used to quote Beckett: "Try again. Fail again. Fail better."